Dating an abuse survivor
But then I would pull away because I would need my own space.
Depression, suicide attempts, dangerous sexual experiences — it’s all about self-destructive behavior. As long as borderline feels safe, their nice self comes out.""I've exhibited signs of depersonalization," adds Henry. "More often than not, we'll be hit with crippling intimacy issues, a sex drive that's either hypersexual or asexual, and we're hit with guilt and the belief that we did something to bring it on, often long after we've learned the difference."However, even though CSA survivors are unlikely to become molesters, there's a small portion of those that do.
Says Geoffrey who was incarcerated for 95 months for engaging in an ongoing sexual relationship with a minor, "It was truly not about sex, but about feeling accepted and unconditionally loved.
It seemed so much safer."Dennis adds, "I was sabotaging so I could be a victim. I was flipping my boyfriend into the role of the molester so I could get mad at him.”For most of us who haven’t been abused it can be hard to understand, but Anderson explains it more clearly: "Powerless is at the core of abuse.
So when someone is abused and made to feel powerless, it makes it difficult to see the rest of the world as a safe place. Especially when it comes to intimate partnerships."This sense of powerlessness can also cause victimized men to put up walls after the smallest slight."When I was 16, I met a girl I fell in love with," says Geoffrey.
I wouldn’t let anyone get the best of me."Explains psychiatrist Dr.
Carole Lieberman, "[The victim] feels like damaged goods and doesn't believe anyone will love him.One might think that if you had been abused, you would want nothing to do with it ever again.But the psychology of the human mind is far more complicated.But she just wanted to be friends and I was so devastated from the rejection that I put up walls. I made so many excuses because I just couldn't get hurt again.I dated someone for five years but I just couldn't take it to the next level.There was also a gay sex worker who, when he got angry, would have sex with a woman.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating