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Your parents will probably react emotionally when you first tell them that you want to get married to someone from a different caste. Losing your cool is never an option if you’re hoping to convince anyone of anything.Calmly request them to articulate any specific concerns that they have.

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Darap is one of the centers for rural tourism in Sikkim state. Talk with my hosts, Shiva and Radha Gurung, revolved around the weather—until breakfast arrived.

Just a week before, friends had boasted seeing Kanchenjunga from their window. I still remember the millet pancakes Radha whipped up. Instead, we scooped up some , the way one might scoop up yogurt with paratha (stuffed flatbread).

Use these while discussing your relationship with your parents.

Try to pin down some reasons for the success or lack of it between these couples and explain how none of these reasons could be connected to caste.

And so, caste as a way of categorizing people has lost basis. Turn to that cousin/uncle/bhaabi of yours, who’s always been your close friend and whose judgment your parents trust.

Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems.You must anticipate these and have counterarguments prepared.Use your preparation to talk the matter through with them at this point.Take time to research as many examples as possible of happy intercaste couples and unhappy same-caste couples among your friends and acquaintances.Before, I had never been smitten with pancakes—let alone ones made from millet. For the evening, there is freshly brewed (a deep-fried wheat snack) in milk.

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