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Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you're turned it the following day with a full tank of gas. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1! When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you." 22.
She's never mentioned it since.* Our home was in a standard suburban development.
When my daughter became a teen, she had a boy so smitten with her that he'd walk his dog past the house a dozen or more times a day.
I say this to let single people know how much I empathize with their agony.
Every unmarried person in the universe agrees on one thing: hanging out in bars is the worst way to meet a potential mate.
Instead of "beer belly," you'd get "beer biceps." 10. ATTENTION WOMEN: I know a few of you will understand these. SCENTED CANDLES FOR MEN '62 Chevy truck - Interior and Exhaust Gunpowder Wet Dog (only if it's your own dog) Frying Bacon (actually, a lot of different fried foods) Wood Smoke Chainsaw Exhaust Freshly Caught Bass Foot Locker Fresh Cow Pie (especially if it's your own cows) Ozone (arc welder, of course) Acetlyene Freshly Moved Dirt Diesel Engine Exhaust Rubbing Alcohol Sale Barn Silage Sawdust New Tires Hot Metal 3 Year Old Cap Petroleum Products: Gasoline Diesel Kerosene Drip Gas Propane Quail Guts (shoot, ANY guts! You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep. = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle." 9. Below you will find a few scents men would appreciate. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
This is an excellent way to determine the true suitability of a mate.
Bad: "Stinky," "Lumpy," "Booger." Worse: "Casanova," "Octopus," "Herpe." Worst: "Slick Willie." Carbon Underwear Dating. To keep the school room neat and clean, you must: sweep the floor at least once daily; scrub the floor at least once a week with hot, soapy water; clean the blackboards at least once a day; and start the fire at 7 a.m.
Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. ) Napalm (I've never smelled it but my brother has) Alfalfa Firecrackers Latex Paint Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.7. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
) Ammonia Fertilizer (light, of course) Burning Grass or Leaves (not that 'pot' crap, either! Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. = I did something today you're really not going to like. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = My PMS is acting up. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet.
(Test Answer: "I am a professional with an income between ,000 and ,000; Bar Answer: "I just bought the 'No Money Down' tapes and plan to buy a house with my Discover Card").Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating